Sunday, May 11, 2008

Mothers Day

"Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he has been robbed. The fact is that most putts don’t drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to be just like people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, and most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. Life is just like an old time rail journey ... delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride." Pres. Hinckley

Thanks for letting me have the ride. Thanks for letting me be a mother. Today is mother's day, and with mixed emotions the day comes to an end. My 1st mothers day ever. So the questions becomes am I a good Mother? Will I feel like a better mother next year then I do today? Why did God trust me to be a Mother?

My little bundle sleeps peacefully in the room behind me and the emotion that I feel for him is so intense, I had no knowledge it was possible to love or be loved so much. Everyone warns me they grow up fast. Enjoy them. Oh, how I try to. I want him to know how much I love him. Bode I love you. Mom, I love you. Thanks for being my mother. Thanks for the sacrifices. Thanks for being a Mom, so I could be a Mom. Thanks for Loving me! Today in primary I told a story about a mother who gave her child her ears, so he could lead a normal life, as a mother I now understand the feeling that mother had for her child. I feel blessed to be able to love and be loved like that.

I never understood the sacrifice of mothers, and maybe I still do not? I do not know? It is like at first in life you try to find out who you are, you spend years doing this and shaping who you are. Just when you think you figured it out a time comes when you are responsible for shaping who someone else is, and in doing to who you are changes, and you being to live life for this other thing that has come into your life. Who you were at this point, who you worked hard to become, is something totally different then who you are now, or who you wanted to be.

Cliff says growing up that he never saw his parents fight. He was sure they had disagreements, but never a fight in front of the kids. How? How is this done? How can I give this to my kids for this Mother's day?

For a year I think this week, I have been, preparing, trying, praying to sell my home. To no avail... We have fasted, we have prayed, we have paid our tithing on the increase we would get if the home sold, we have lowered our price, we have worked endless hours trying to make it look good, we have had faith that it would happen.... the neighbors house sold in 1 week... not right next door but close. I went to church today and they are packing their bags... So frustrating. AHRR... It is not the ward, It is not the people... I could live with those... It is the street. I think a year ago I wanted to move to be closer to skiing.. Today I want to move so I don't have to worry about Bode in the road, So he can have his grandma closer, so when he needs her, which he does, we can be closer. Please lord... let me house sell. I just read Marta Blog and it says we cannot do it alone. I cannot do this alone. Please do it for Bode..

2 comments:

Märta said...

Keri, You're a Beautiful Mother! Thanks for sharing your thoughts here! I love a little glimpse into your world.

I am so sorry about the frustration with your house. I am so grateful that you don't quite easily. Thank you for dreaming such beautiful dreams that can include my family. In God we Trust.

janers said...

Ker,

I LOVED this post. It was so sincere and heartfelt and touching. WOW. You really are a wonderful woman and I loved the vulnerablitity in this post.

This was a great glimpse into you!

xoxo